GENERAL SURGERY
by Joey D'Kruga (courtesy of Needledamage zine)
When you were young, you shone like the sun. Tonight I am leaving on a jet plane and I shall be gone for some time. In my absence amuse yourself with this thought: people are dying every day and no-one gives a damn. Would you like me if I wore the red one? In a cold country better known forVolvos, Ikea and the vegetable Swede, Grant McDoo and Joke Carlsson have resurrected GENERAL SURGERY... not for the love of money but for the sake of humanity and their neverending quest for drugs. I thank them for this, and hope that these wild men of rock will never, ever leave us again. Where did you get those pills, mother?

Has the persistence of General Surgery's 'cult following' been one of the main driving forces behind your reappearance on the scene? Was it this cult status (poor sales) which also lead to your disappearance all those years ago? Does your mother know you're back playing in "Stockholm's most hated"?
G: Yes, my mother is aware of the fact that I'm a tasteless git with way too much time on my hands. Anyway, as John Waters so eloquently stated in his book "Shock Value", the phrase "cult-following" is a bit misleading. It could be, as you so arrogantly stated (naughty man), poor sales, hence the status of being "underground" leading to the "cult" thingy. Personally, I'd like to think of it as my own personal cult, where people would obey any orders I may give, however insane and sadistic they may be. There you go, a truly unpleasant insight into my psyche. Now, what was the question again...
JC: Hm.. even my mother knows Grant is a tasteless git and has way too much time on his hands. I personally reflect back on the time as "Stockholms most hated band" as the most glorious period of my life so far. If we could only attain half that "cult-following" again, I'd be a happy man. Let people hate us, just as long as they give a fuck, you know. Hatred is at least an honest emotion. I'd rather be hated instead of getting the usual half-assed comments like "great stuff dude", "it was... interesting" and "I'll listen to your CD.. later". That's just weak IMHO.

I think that if General Surgery hadn't split up so quickly, without boring the world to death with 101 identical interviews in fanzines from Kuala Lumpur, maybe this cult following would not exist... do you agree? Have you ever had a letter from Singapore and felt moved by it's sincerity? Does your heart go out to these wonderful people?
G: Absolutely. The heart rendering pleas for merchandise must be a cry for help from the musical poverty of the oh-so-harsh reality that they're forced to live with on a day to day basis. And yes, I think we would have bored the shit out of everybody if you had sixty odd interviews with us being belligerent incomprehensible assholes back in the early 90's. However, now that we're considerably more verbose and misanthropic, we've decided to make up for lost time - hence this interview. Or should I say; sad excuse for an interview. You're welcome.
JC: The fact is that we've done 10 times as many inties during the last year, than we ever did the last time around. And yes, most of these have indeed been from Singapore. It seems those guys never really get fed up with reading about a crappy cult band like ourselves. My heart goes out to us who can stand answering all of them, because we're such wonderful people. And charismatic.

One of the things I remember about GS is that they were one of if not the first band to directly clone Carcass... if only you'd been the last! Were you as amazed as I was with how such boring personalities as Jeffery, Billy & Kenny could create such extremely interesting musick? It was rumoured that Jeffery did not wash his hair for many years, prior to his 'gay monk' look first seen around the time of "Necroticism"... did any members of GS admire him for his outspoken hair-art? And why was his nose always so red? Snow, perhaps?
G: Well, Jeffrey was a complete misanthrope, and quite a talkative one at that. Very much like myself nowadays. However, that's where any similarities end. Thank you very much. The crusty look, complete with dreads and 20 yr old knitted sweater was something I never really got into. Personally, I idolised Ken. He had short hair, did the lowest vocals and was Barbie's boyfriend. Very much like myself nowadays. Bill may have looked like something out of an Open University program of the 70's, but beneath that discrete appearance lay the mind of a genius. Need I say that many a time in my correspondence with our 20 fans I was mistaken for him. He was the quiet, intelligent, immobile one who spent time nurturing his talent. Very much like myself nowadays. Speaking of the "gay monk" look, have you seen Shane Embury's parting nowadays? You could drive a Buick down it. Great! Then again, it's not as if my hair's getting any thicker nowadays, as opposed to myself in general. Let's see, have I actually answered this question in full? No. Oh well...
JC: I have no idea of which band you're talking about. I thought we cloned the Monkees. I briefly heard a few songs by a band referred to as C****ss, but they could not be the same band. Those guys were really into heavy drugs, meat-eating and fooling around with women, that's the reason I joined the band in the first place. I think this lifestyle of embracing the all sweet temptations in life (like those I mentioned before), might have something to do with that guy's nose getting really red after a while.

How jealous were you of Mikey Amott joining your boyhood heroes? Did you want to kill him or take him out for a drink? Wasn't he a bit of a cocky fucker?
G: Let's see...The only people I would take out for a drink: Jayne Mansfield, Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Joe McCarthy, Christina Ricci, Hunter S. Thompson, Grandpa Smurf, Chow Yun Fat... as you may have noticed, most of these people are either dead, fictional or generally unobtainable and Michael Amott I'm afraid is not one of them. Would I be so radical as to kill him? It depends how much you'd be willing to pay for him to "have an accident". A cocky fucker? Dunno. He comes from somewhere out in the countryside, so all I can really say about him is that he's a bumpkin.
JC: Aren't they all, bloody french bastards?!?!?!

Billy 'No Fear' Steer has opted for a radically different approach in his latest musical incarnation... but how boring & cliched is that? Surely it would have been more original to make a new grindgore band? And call it Flex Factor X?
G: I completely agree with you on that. Well, most of it. OK, hardly any of it except the name of the band. Just think, they could sing about psyopathical goblins equipped with power tools, running amok. Plus, if they could get a childrens' choir to sing most of the choruses it would be, hands down, the greatest band of all time. However. Every time I think something is pure genius, my detractors usually make themselves heard in unison, with various adjectives such as "blindingly stupid", "insane", "unfathomably stupid", and so forth. The world, I'm afraid, is not ready yet. YET. (insert maniacal mad scientist laugh here)  
JC: I have only heard one song off that Firebird album. At least it wasn't as bad as the Black Star stuff I've heard, but that's only my shitty taste in music shining through once again. I don't know why they like to insist on making crappy and boring music, let alone convincing anybody to release it. Surely that's not what the world needs at this grindgore-starved point in time, but what the hey... we should at least be thankful they made 2 or even 3 brilliant albums. The world would sure be a more boring place if not ROP and SOS existed.

How great were/are Xysma's post-gorecore longplayers like "Deluxe" and "First & Magical"? Actually, I heard that the old drummer of Xysma is a session musician for Lene Marlin, and that he has licked her a lot...
G: The lucky bastard...Eh...I mean; Stop being so sexist!! Whooooo! Xysma. Long time since I heard anything of theirs'. Last I actually listened to was some hippie-named opus. "Distorting the Jelly of Unlightingly Beingness of Saturn's Massive Popularismic Spork", or something. Which is a pretty good listen even nowadays. Though, the singer looks like Elvis, or so I've heard. And that is definitely in their defence. However, all this progression makes you long back to the days when a few bands plagiarized Carcass (and they all did it rather well, if I may so myself) instead of evolving into rawk n'roll, NWOBHM, dungeons and dragons, boogie rock, whatever constellations. Give me an over all playing time of 30 minutes, songs with unintelligable titles on pathology which take up at least two lines, crap production and being silly in general, then I'm a happy man. I think this says quite a bit of how our new material sounds. Progress, schmogress.  
JC: Well, they only made a demo and a minialbum before walking into hippie/elvis land forever, didn't they?  It's hard to remember anything after that minialbum with brilliant titles as "Mild Stench of Rot" and the likes. We actually played one of their songs.. "Foetal Mush", a complete smasher. I knew those guys back then, and I know what they do is at least honest, and they could not care less what people think of them and their music. Their earlier music was cool, the first album was also good, and the rest I haven't even heard more than very briefly. As for that Lene Marlin incident.. well, it could be true, that's all I can say at this point in time.

Do you have any sales figures for "Necrology"? Have you really received no money, money, money from Relapse? Do you want me to send round the boys to collect this filthy lucre?
G: Dare I say anything without our lawyer present? We don't actually have one, so; no, we don't have any sales figures for "Necrology". Although, to be serious, I wouldn't go so far as to say that Relapse have ripped us off. Just to clear that bit up. We never actually signed a contract with them, and in all fairness we got money back on the recording, a bunch of stuff from them, so we never lost money on the record. Plus that they did a great job on distributing it and spreading our name. I don't think we'd have achieved such "fame" without their help. Whatever, we were oh so naive teenagers (read: drunkards) at the time and we just couldn't be bothered. As I said, we got money back on the EP and as far as I'm concerned, that's fine and dandy.  
JC: That's right. Of course, a statement every 10 years would not hurt.

Is it true that there was a GS tribute band from England called General Drudgery... around 1992 I think?
G: No, I'm pretty sure you're talking complete bollocks.
JC: I think you're correct, however it was in '94.

When you first recorded "Necrology" did you listen to it, like, 10 times a day, thinking "we fucking rule!"? Have you every layed all your love on a hot Swedish babe whilst "An Orgy of Flying Limbs and Gore" resounded in the background? Was it a boast you used on impressionable girls whilst trawling the seediest Stockholm bars?
G: Well, we did listen to it about 40 times a day. Not too hard considering it's only 15 minutes long. Mostly to pick on the rest of the band. "You f*cking dolt, you missed that part", "Yeah, well listen to your vocals. You sound like a f*cking toilet, you usless piece of hippie rectum", etc. Personally I haven't used G.S. as a pick up line, however I have maintained that I have been the vocalist of a Portugese chart topping band, recently returned from a two month Asian tour. And lo-and-behold, it actually worked, albeit one time out of ten. As for G.S. being music for lovers...Well, would you like to hear you own voice blaring in the background while your on the job? Hm...come to think of it...  
JC: Yeah, wouldn't you have done the same? I have no idea actually. By the time we finished it, I was really tired of the whole process, because we really didn't have a lot of time to record and the whole thing was quite stressed out, as far as I can recall. I normally don't listen to my own stuff very much after I'm done with it. The exception is of coursecranking up GS on maximum volume while makin' sweet love to women, but that's only a natural instinct, or a force of habit. You decide.

Okay, so you say you 'out-noised' ROP with your first demo, but I say "Erosive Offals" was more like Marc Almond's take on Carcass: grosser than gross, but with ingested  spunk. Now one of us is lying.... is it you, Mr Surgery?
G: Yes, Jocke is a lying scumbag f*ck. But that's beside the point. As for the "ingested spunk" bit, I shudder to think what that might practically entail. Let us just say, that I was, luckily, not in the band on that demo. Personally, it wasn't until after the "Pestisferrusical Antrohopaghial" demo, that I brought an aura of Marc Almond with me: the physical likeness and penchant for sleaze. The rest of the girls in the band stood for the "bent as a rusty nail" bit.  
JC: I didn't write that, it was Grant. Despite not being on it, he still had to make a comment, the lying piece of poo. I can also vouch for his striking resemblance to mr. Almond, but that's about as much star quality he's got. And just who is mr. Surgery, anyway?

How is the Stockholm scene in 2001? Is there still a following for old-style gory grind amidst all the black/gothic stuff? Actually, why are Swedish people so serious all the time? Does the pasty-faced grimace never get boring? In fact to disprove this, if it is in fact untrue, please share a funny Swedish joke with the readers.
G: If you had done your homework, you would know that I, myself am not Swedish. Elvis, the Scottish Crackpope hath spoken. So, it is with these words I would like to launch into a lengthy tirade firstly about your deplorable amateurism, and secondly about why Swedes are complete dweebs. I feel that you have proved your incompetence quite well yourself, so I'll jump directly to slagging off Swedes. Yes, they're pasty faced. This comes from a bizarre mixture of erroneously interpreted nordic history and a sickly fascination of tacky heavy metal bands. Luckily this has petered out, or gone further down the evolutionary ladder and now appeals mostly to teens. How else can you explain the enormous success of Hammerfall in the mainstream? Nobody I know listens to them. Well, nobody admits to listening to them. I suppose there are worse examples of goth/heavy metal bollocks, but I'm happily unaware of them. I suppose there are people around my age that listen to that stuff. Fine. Good for you. Have a good life. Your taste in music sucks.
JC: Despite being Swedish, I have no clue, as I lost interest in what was called the "scene" a few years ago. I mostly keep up with what my old friends (who were in bands back then) are doing.. which in reality, is mostly nothing at all. However I've noticed that good ol' DM and Grindcore is having a slight comeback, after all these years of BM-depression. One of the funniest swedish jokes I know of is actually Black Metal, so there you go sir.

Who is the best drinker in GS? Legend has it that, despite their Viking heritage, Scandinavians are useless drinkers... generally under the table after about 4 pints of heavy. Have you ever sampled Buckie? How many pints of Kaliber could you handle?
G: Buckie? Kaliber? Sounds like something out of  the latest Pokémon movie. (Shame on you, McDoo, being Scottish and not having imbibed the ol' tonik wine! - Joey) Best drinker? That depends... I could be said to be either the best drinker, i.e. I drink a lot. Or the worst, i.e. I get very very drunk and completely f*cked. Although Richard takes the prize for downing several large whiskeys ten minutes into the flight on the way to Japan with Dismember, blacking out, puking over Fred and anything in the near vicinity, waking up with twenty minutes to go and quite calmly asking, "So, are we there yet?". True grit. Trust me, Swedes can drink quite a lot. As can Scots. So we're all in good company.
JC: I have no idea what brands you're talking about there.... but generally it seems to me that every visitor we get around here is scared shitless with the amount of alcohol we can handle. Between the members of the band, I'd say it'd be a pretty even fight. I can drink a lot of beer, but I'm not too good with hard liquor... well, Grant is not exaclty good with hard liquor either, but he doesn't really care, does he? Amazing what a man can do to himself after he has consumed a fair amount of whiskey, like taking a brisk 2 hour walk in the wee hours of the morning when you're supposed to be in the studio the day after, heh heh.

I have a dream that it is 1990 and the death/grind scene is just about to go ballistic. What are some of your fave memories from those days? How much do you wish you could go back and do that shit all again? I actually think about this a lot, and I miss those days so much!
G: Even though you were born in 1986? Wow! I'm impressed! Memories from them good ol' days? Memories? I can't even remember what I did this morning. Hm... Let's see... I could go on a week long binge without getting hungover, there was no problem about going 50 or so miles to see a gig, get completely blitzed and sleeping on a park bench along with 20 or so other nutters, actually getting excited about receiving a demo from obscure band from god knows where and so forth. Any specific memories? Not really, except that most of the bands in Stockholm (and its vicinity) did their drinking together. 30 or so filthy metalheads/whatnot gathering at the central station and making their way to some park to get collectively trashed. Good fun. Would I want to go back to those days of youthful misanthropy and alcoholism? Absolutely not. I'm not a nostalgic person. Or should I say, I'm an extremely lazy person. Nowadays I'm quite happy with a pot of piping hot coffee, a carton of cigarettes, The Cartoon Network on TV and a comfortable sofa.
JC: No further comment, as everything stated above is true. Never mind the tobacco and cartoons though.

Did you do anything, musically, between the present day and the previous incarnation of GS? Like form a darkwave electro band, sell Es, pursue a career in film, etc etc? How boring was it for you to be out of the limelight you once stole with GS? Did you ever consider turning to the other side?  
G: Hail satan. The dark side hath spawned desire within me, ever since I sold my pathetic soul to the dark one. The desire to file my fingernails into oh so sharp points, wear makeup, mumble Lovecraftian nonsense, muse over murderous gothic erotica and whip myself into a fever with the latest offering from Cradle Of Filth. A film career?! That wasn't me in the gimp mask and Mickey Mouse ears with that doberman! It was...eh.... someone else. It was Jocke! The sick bastard. Actually, he lured me into it under the illusion that it was an "artistic" promo for the "Necrology" EP. I still need therapy twice a week. I'd hardly say that G.S. ever was inb the limelight. Not if you consider 20 letters a week from Singapore nagging on about free merchandise. Quite a relief to lose that side of it all. Nowadays it doesn't pack the same punch begging for free merch by e-mail. That's what I call progress.  
JC: I enjoyed massive success with all my bands, toured the world and sold truckloads of records. On the other hand, you might not want to believe everything you read. I'm still waiting for this "limelight" thingy, seems to be kinda interesting. Send us a lot of e-mails asking for free stuff which we can ignore, it's fun!  

Do you remember that guy called Ricky? What happened to him? Is he still putting from the rough?
JC: He is, but he's called Grant nowadays.

Okay GS, I'm just about done. I would just like to say thank you for your time, thank you for the Swedish porn I have enjoyed over the years and thank you for the music General Surgery has given us over their illustrious history... for those whom have definitely rocked, we salute thee! What's the capital of Kenya?
G: Ta much for the interview. I'm sure you spent more time on the questions than I did on the answers. Or should I say, you actually thought about the questions before writing them. But hey, that's the kind of guy I am...Free spirited, a child of nature, who goes wherever the wind takes me, takes off his clothes and wallows in the mud at hippie festivals and names his children "Loveray Moonsplash Eternally Spork". You're very welcome for the 12 minutes of music we have blessed you with. Personally I put my soul into that short time. So you f*cking owe me mate!!! Oh, but what do I see? You are an avid fan of Swedish porn? Blessed be thee my son. Although I'm sure it wasn't actual Swedish porn. Get in touch - I'll introduce you to the filthy and grimy world of Swedish amateur erotica, my personal favourite. Although Magma have released a few good things as of late. Ha, these bloody Germans - they don't just build bloody good cars, you know. Honestly, hugs and kisses for the interview. I am a belligerent scumbag, I know. And now you know too. Aren't you lucky. The capital of Kenya is Nairobi. Praise be to me. See ya later, skater

www.generalsurgery.nu

WEBSITE
www.generalsurgery.nu

MP3
GENERAL SURGERY "Severe Catatonia in Pathology" ("Necrology" Ep)